One Day to Another

So here I am sitting in my living room on December 31st, 2013. Before I started typing this I read my post last year regarding 2012. That year, 2012, was bad yet it pushed me to my next level. 2013 was the actual display of that change. In January I started one of the toughest challenges that I had gone through. The Sheriff's Academy was a huge challenge. There were some major time were I though it was not for me and my dream was just an image. Every time I was feeling like I was going to quite I looked back at 2012. I saw my Dad, also heard him say no, and my grandfather in the back of my head. I knew there was no chance I could quite. Hell it was written on my damn arm. Eventually I made it through and was given my badge. I now had the next challenge, show he department that I had hat it takes to be a sheriff's deputy. Well as most know, that was shown and here I am now, all on my own. SO DREAM COMPLETED! And a lot to keep doing to keep that dream going! Besides the new

I usually don't write about items like this, but for some reason I feel compelled this time. So I was sitting at Starbucks reading a book and conducting a little people watching. Nothing new for me and actually something that I do fairly often. Seems like nothing new or anything odd and I was right. The only thing was someone walked into the door. This someone was a girl. Yes I know a girl...big woopy right. The difference was this girl caught my attention like crazy and the fact is she did nothing nothing at all. She came in through the door wearing a grey pea coat. She was about 5 feet 5 inches and light colored skin tone. Her hair was this jet black color and came down to her neck. She tucked her hair behind her ears. Her eyes were this light blue colored. For some reason the eyes were the most amazing eyes I have ever seen. I have no idea why but the just captured me. I felt like my mind went and gave up. I tried to read my book, but my mind wanted to do something else. I

So the last couple weeks should have not been so rough, but it sure has been. First thing that happened was some unexpected problems with the house. This issue has made it extremely hard and then other stuff occurred that made it even worse. I found out that I had to do some test for my mid probation, but had no idea that it was the next day. I passed two of the test but did not pass the third. This has put a lot of stress on me on top of what I have already gained. At first I thought it was done, I was going to get fired. I still get to retake the test, even though I should have passed immediately. So I have been practicing so I pass the test. Anyways all this stress and no one to really talk to has shot down some confidence and weakened my stance. This is something that I really can't have. The career I have dose not allow, my personality does not allow it and frankly the past couple weeks has told me I really need to change something. So I have been reflecting the last couple

On the way home from my parents house today, a certain station was playing song that I remember listening to when I use to work at Mervyns'. With the streets wet and the drive into Tucson I felt like I was back on a certain day in the past. I smiled thinking about that day, just simply because I remembered how happy I was that day. I think that was back in 2006 or 07 but for some reason I can remember that single day out of 2548 days. Here I am not sitting on my couch watching movies and thinking of why that day came out, but instead I began to think of other days were I found smiles. A lot of those days was in fact a day I was hanging out with a friend or an ex girlfriend. I think sometimes I focus to much on the bad days. If I were to focus on the good days I think there would be a lot more happiness in my life. Then again the fact that I reflect on the bad prevents me from making those errors again, right. The fact is that is not true ether. When people state that we make mist

I was watching television, like I do here often, and a show was talking about how everyone goes into new trends. It is a trend to jump into a new trend as fast as possible. I found this funny yet perplexing of why people fall for trends. Now a days people here about a new trends a millisecond thanks to twitter, facebook and other social media items. So my thought process on this was, how the heck did older cultures spreed new trends, or did they even do that. I know through history, each area had different things going on. For example during the times of Samurai in Japan, warriors had very sophisticated armour and weapons that no other culture had. While in Europe they were just developing proper metal alloys to make a strong steel for weapons. So as one can tell the trend in Japan was at a much different rate then in Europe. Years later isolation in Japan caused there trends to fall greatly behind other nations in the world and their technology looked out. So as I am typing this,

Ahhh October, ohhh how I love October. October is one of my favorite months. October her in the desert is kinda of the actual start of a cooler summer. It is also the time of my favorite holiday, Halloween. Unfortunately I will be working during the holiday and most likely be unable to attend the associated events, but I'll still enjoy every part of it. The other part of October is that I have owned my house for 1 year now. It seems like I just bought the house. I was thinking what I was doing last October such as going to nightfall and hanging out with my friends. This October has been so, so different. I have seen only two friends in weeks. I stay up all night every night for work which is nothing like I am use to. Its amazing how much has changed from then and now. Now back to October. The other thing about October is that it's perfect for hiking, but it has been hard trying to go out and hike due to my new schedule. I am really going to have to figure that out. I find

Days go by too fast here lately. Time seems to fly like the cars traveling down the highway. A quick glimpse of the vehicle and then it fades Slowly into the background with a small trail of light. I have an image of those times. Wishing I could just relive them one more time. Hear those sounds one last time. Smile those smiles again. And laugh the time bye. I look back and see that image disappear. Hoping that there will be a day to relive. Only to find that those days have disappeared. Now I have those images of the past. A past that is a photo album of those days Those days that I hope to never forget.

I have to say one of the main things that I see on a daily bases with my job is fights. We as human beings are a social animal. We need the companionship of other human begins to survive. The funny part, and the flaw to this is that being with a person to long during a day can cause a lot of issues yet, one would think that there is a better way to calm a situation down before a full blown fight occurs. This is sadly not true. For some reason people are compelled to go from perfectly fine to fights without even going into the middle grounds. What cracks me up even more is the fact that simply talking the situation over they rather fight and risk that relationship. When I am at work and I have to deal with family dispute or some other kind of fight one of the questions I ask is "why did you not walk away?" There response is "they wouldn't let me" or "I don't know." This makes me think of how people think about their actions before the react and th

Last year, was probably the hardest year of my life. I almost lost my dad at the start but luckily he his still around and probably doing better then ever. Seven months later 17 days before my birthday one of the greatest men I know passed away. My Ope meant so much to me and inspired me to be good to all people because that is how he was. When he passed away I had no idea what to do and felt like everything was going down hill. I then remembered that Ope would have not wanted that, he would of wanted me and my family to move on a get to our highest level. Shortly there after I pushed myself to accomplish goals that I had been writing down. Well August 1st has come and gone and all I could think was how could a year have gone by already and how I still miss him. I really wish I could have had him there when I graduated from academy or if I had kids that they could meet such a great man. I know he is still around in spirit and sometimes I think he is right there with my other family m

Time is an interesting subject. The definition of time is, " The indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole. "  (Provided by Merriam-Webster) As I read this definition and was slightly haunted by it, mainly by the "indefinite continued progress of existence." First thing that came up in my mind was the old arcade games where you had to gain more time in order to continue to play. If you failed to gain more time your life ended. I started to imagine a digital clock blinking away with how many minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years that I had left and how I was going to get more time in order to succeed. There are people, sciences, theories, book and many other items that discuss time. I have seen several movies that talk about a certain time, such as what has happened in the past, what they are waiting for in the future, and what they are currently doing in time. How if they just made one little

Ahhh, I do enjoy the day where I get to go to my local Starbucks and get my tasty coffee beverage. Once I have acquired said beverage I read a book and listen to my music as a watch people going in and out of the coffee franchise. Usually want transpires during these relaxing time period is thoughts. Thoughts of the book I am reading thoughts of recent events, thoughts of future events and random thoughts. So a lot of thoughts as one can tell. One thought was about what is going to happen tomorrow. I make another huge step in doing what I want to do. Help people, go out and get bad guys and up most protect. It is one thing I have seen myself do on so many occasions and one thing that I think I will always see myself do. While I was thinking that I was currently listening to the Last Samurai sound track and thinking about how I am the modern day version of them. As a kid, and now, I saw a Samurai as one of the greatest things. They pushed themselves everyday and worked extremely har

So here recently I have been living in a very quite big house and going about my daily thing IE work. During my time at home it has been a little rough because it is so lonely here. During those moments I have been provoking thoughts of relationships. Thoughts of, what does a relationship do for people, why mine failed, and why others succeed. The other thing I have noticed is that I am still extremely scared of being hurt. The fear of letting anyone close more then just a night scares me so much. The fact that letting someone in and by accident I hurt them scares me so much. The other part is that something happens to me and I am no longer there to complete the relationship leaving the other hurt and placed in the unknown dark. The last 20 plus weeks have been challenges to push me forward and fight through many types of fears. To show me I have the drive and will to fight as hard as I humanly can in order to survive. Yet falling in love or even trying to because I don't want

This past week was one of the worst weeks that I have had. Really don't want to get into why, but just really bad. To make matters worst I, yet again, allowed myself to be defeated by my worst enemy, myself.  I really do not know where I have learned to push myself down, or the reason of why this happens, but it is completely an item of destruction. Something that will take me out of any light or goal that I am trying to succeed at. Due to this self realization I have decided to call this self destruction as self-ungratification. The reason for this is that when people accomplish a goal, or get good at something they accomplish a degree of self-gratification. In this case it is the opposite, one should feel ungrantified and unaccomplished so self-ungratification. I actually feel pretty gratified about thinking about the word self-ungratification. I am almost more then certain this word has been discovered but as far as this writing is concerned it is all mine. Anyways, I guess

Movie: The last word Tonight I was watching a movie called the "The Last Word". Right from the start I saw the morbid plot, but for some reason I see the in depth part that the plot eludes. The main character in the movie is a writer but not the conventional writer but one who writes the suicide notes for others who are going to kill themselves. I think the majority of people would see this person as soulless, which is actually stated in the movie, but I saw it as something very different. I saw the person who has had to go through and listen to those stories of those people who kill themselves. I can't say I know exactly what a person is thinking when they see death as the only way out, or if the reasons why they are killing themselves are a good reason. The only thing that I am pretty sure about is the people around suffer a great amount of pain, that those who have left can not do anything to ease.. The movie displays this so well when the main man is seen at the

Here lately my posts have been about continuing and feeling down because of the challenges I am going through right now. Most of these challenges can be attributed to my own doing. At times it feels like I am falling to the ground its sometimes very hard to get up from the ground. The only thing I should feel that way. I should have the confidence to push myself up and move forward again knowing that it is a task that should be easy to me. This came into light even more as I listed to NPR program called "Snap Judgement". The program has several people telling their poems and short stories and one of those short stories was simply inspirational and just shows that some people who may appear to be weak are some of the strongest people around and a lot of us can learn from them. The short story is called "Falling" and I linked the reading from snap judgement here. This person has been able to get over so many obstacles that so many of us may have not been able to

For the last 13 weeks I have been engaged in the training of my career. This time period has been by far some of the most challenging days just simply for the fact that I have had to push myself to keep going and there has only been me to push. I really have never given it a thought on how hard some challenges can be with out someone to come to, to talk to or simply someone to see after a hard day of work / training. I never had an idea of how much my family actually played a role in my past successes. Back then when I came home I could always count on seeing my dad or talking to my mom and my problems would magically disappear. Now when I come home I have to find some way cheer myself up or I have to simply move on even though that is not the optimal method. The other thing I have noticed is that coming home doesn't mean just coming home to people but something more in depth. What I mean by "more in depth" is something with more meaning. Like I said early coming home

So I was watching How I Met Your Mother today and there is one episode that they talk about 3 years from now. The concept was actually pretty interesting and saw myself thinking about 3 years ago. The first thing I could think about was that I was finishing my second to last semester of college. That was the only thing that I could instantly think about 3 years ago. As far as what I believed would happen 3 years from there, I would think I would believe that I would have a girlfriend and in a long time relationship and hopefully starting my career. Well here I am at 3 years and I am not in a relationship at all, I did graduate from college and I have a house. The thing that I did hope for is my career and I am going through those steps. This challenge has been very hard and I am only 5 weeks in and have 3/4 to go but I know I can do it. As for relationships I have been on and off so many time about relationship I am starting to think that I could be partially by polar. I guess if the

Another year has left and a new year is not here. For the most part the year 2012 was one of the hardest years of my life, and it pretty much started on the get go. The first several months after that day was trying to get in a norm, and I fairly certain that's how my family felt too, but it was not the easiest. I jumped into a relationship knowing what I was doing at the time was not the best and figured I try to make myself happy. That ended up being the wrong choice and I was a little bit more miserable of how that turned out. After that I stopped thinking about relationships and began to progress through "I don't care anymore" phase. I started saving up money and limit already limited party life because I wanted to move out and grow up a little more. I didn't have a plan or idea when that would happen, but knew that is what I wanted. In August my family would go through yet another hard time, but this time I would lose someone instead of a close almost. Wh