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Lessons learned from the outside

So here recently I have been living in a very quite big house and going about my daily thing IE work. During my time at home it has been a little rough because it is so lonely here. During those moments I have been provoking thoughts of relationships. Thoughts of, what does a relationship do for people, why mine failed, and why others succeed.

The other thing I have noticed is that I am still extremely scared of being hurt. The fear of letting anyone close more then just a night scares me so much. The fact that letting someone in and by accident I hurt them scares me so much. The other part is that something happens to me and I am no longer there to complete the relationship leaving the other hurt and placed in the unknown dark.

The last 20 plus weeks have been challenges to push me forward and fight through many types of fears. To show me I have the drive and will to fight as hard as I humanly can in order to survive. Yet falling in love or even trying to because I don't want to get hurt.

The one thing that I have been realizing is that it seems like it's time to push forward and defeat this fear. I guess its time to get over and began looking past my fears.

I do know one thing it would be nice to have someone to talk to and the other way. Have someone to make meals for and just spend time with. I know it s not going to happen any time soon, but one thing is for sure I do have to adjust a tad.

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