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Fears

I think the questions of fears is often brought up in peoples minds.

According to the first link of a web search, common phobias, must deal with actual items such as bugs enclosed spaces or flying. I found the list exactly what I thought it would be. I see must people reacting because of situations that cause them to be near these items. The funny thing is I never had seen any of these as a fear. The one that could have been a fear is trypanophobia, the fear of being injected. The thing is I was always nervous, but hear recently that doesn't even bother me.

So where am I going here. I was recently asked what my fears were. Out of the ten listed I think the other one is death. For me that is not so. My job places me at that edge every single day. I am truly not afraid of dying rather dying before doing what I am supposed to do. I remember one of things I have always been worried about is not being able to take care of those I care about because I am not there for them. I have dreams of me passing and just seeing those around me fall into ruin. I feel responsible for those people and I have failed them because of my early departure.

Now some people I would guess as a fear of death, but how can it be when the action comes at hand I don't second guess I am the first one in. I don't fear the pain nor the what if's of after the action has come. The only thing on my mind after everything is what could have happened if I got shot, what would of happened if I was killed, were would my family and friends be.

This fear progresses into partially why I push away from relationships. I told people I was not going to date several years later after I started being a L.E.O. Partially because I was going to put a hundred percent in but the other part is I feared to fail them. Something would have happened I would leave them one night all on there own with out any aid. What then? Just be cursed by them because I failed them?

How do you remove such a fear that is biologically driven? I think my instinct to take care of those around me is m drilled in then I see in others. I am extremely cautious when it comes to those around me. I want to make sure their life style isn't stifled and want to be able to provide as much as I can. With even more so that I need to help them after death. As I write this I can see other people knowing exactly what I mean.

Anyways that is my fear...

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