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So close to the new start

I have never been this close to attaining a goal of this magnitude. A goal that is a life time goal. A goal that is so big to me that as of today I am a whole week away from accomplishing. So many people have been asking how does it feel are you excited. The truth is I am scared as hell. I am scared of messing up and I just missed the goal. I am scared of my life changing completely because of the change that can come in accomplishing this goal. I am scared of being disappointed like have be soon many time before. Yet with all this fear I know it must be done. This is where my biggest fear resides. I have to look all these fears stair them in the eye and leap into a vast unknown. A blackness of which my hopes are not even seen. A place where my thoughts are lost and I struggle to hang on to them.

This change is something I thought I would never be afraid, but because of the past I am still apprehensive to the idea. I am still apprehensive because what if the actions takes everything away from me that helped me get there. Those things, these people helped me get to this goal but this single goal might take them away from me. These people saved me from my disappear and made me better, told me to stand tall, told me to live by my own words. I have done these things yet the problem is, what they have told me, what I have accomplished may rip me from their sight. I know that the words here might not be the exact things that happen, but just knowing that is what could happen is terrifying.

So here I am seven days from graduation excited as I could be for such a huge event in my life, yet I am scared. All I can do is trust that the change that I am going to go through won't take my support away, but if it does I must keep them in my mind and continue what they started. I must continue listening to my own words and the words and thoughts that they have brought me. I can't let the past govern me I must look at it as a lesson and make my own future. I can't back down, I must move forward. I must become my own shield and protect myself because I now have the tools to defeat any fear in front of me. It is time to stand tall, hold my head up high and stair into the black eyes of fear. I must walk straight to the sight and say "no more." It is time for me to be me. It is time to govern my life and not the events of the past.

This graduation is not going to show that I have a degree from a university, but it will show I have had gone through some huge event yet I stood tall and got this goal done. With the events I have gone through, the fear in front of me is nothing but just a shadow taunting me. It is time to shine my light and look at the path that I have control of.

~There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.
Josh Billings

This post is dedicated to those who have been there for me when I was down, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be where I am. I am so thankful for those who have been there to make sure I succeed. I am thankful for those who pushed me to listen to my advice and not back down. Thank you

~Justin Petersen December 10, 2010

Comments

  1. UnknownDecember 12, 2010 at 12:59 AM

    Never look in the past always push forward prove the past wrong and always remember tomorrow is a new day. Even if this takes you new places( which it will reguardless) you will always have your friends there. Near or far we will always stick together and that's a promise.:) Sooooo proud of you JP, you are leading a new path for us all showing anything is possible if ur heart is really in it. Thank you for doing so!!!! <3 and ill end with this.
    STAND TALL IT GETS A LITTLE BETTER I SEE THE WALL THAT WE CAN BREAK DOWN TOGETHER STAND STRONG IT GETS A LITTLE BETTER NOW, WE CAN BREAK IT DOWN YES WE CAN BREAK IT. DIRTY HEADS <3


    LOVE YA JP

    ReplyDelete

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