SO I had a nervous break down and anxiety attack last night during a party, I was able to only have the attack in my mind but it tore me to shreds and caused me to just disappear from the party. I woke up this mourning with a feeling of failure, like everything I am doing right now is failed attempt. I finally got that thought out of my mind but a new feeling flooded in which was stress that I could not allow the previous feeling to become to true. I really can't describe the feeling besides a quote in Lord of the Rings were Bilbo Baggins says "I feel like butter being stretched across a piece of bread that is to big." This feeling is even effecting me in a physical way in which my body is sore and I am tired even though I slept enough. My mind is in so many places at once that I become exhausted just by seating around due the fact I cant think of 1 thing not even 2 things but so many things that I just feel like I am going crazy. Something is in need of desperate change if I am to succeed at my goals that I set in front of me but I am not sure how to fix this, and have no idea were to start. As I sit here I feel that feeling that I had yesterday, there is so much expectation that people have in you and when you know it can hurt you so much. Last night it was my friends telling me to go and talk to girls and have fun so I did that with other things on my mind that I don't want to divulge here right now. This mix of items on my mind knocked one domino over and it hasn't stopped its destruction yet.
I am sure the statement "patience is a virtue" has been heard by everyone, and told to everyone that it must be practiced. I have always though that I was really good at practicing patience, the only problem I am slowly finding out I am not very good at this practice. I guess that I need to look into the practice even more, and I need to learn it quick (Haha not patience in learning patience, I need to learn it now... Irony, I think so). Through understanding that I need to learn the virtue know as patience, I have also learned, learning a virtue is actual really difficult. This reminds me of my senior project that I had to write for my BS in which which moral theory is best, yet the paper in the end is the same as the start. It is a constant loop and when you truly gain that virtue you move up into another circle and cycle around forever until you are ready to jump to the next section. So with that said, I guess I am going to go through this learning process while I really n
Comments
Post a Comment