One Day to Another

For years now I have looked outside this window in my room. I have laid my eyes on the Santa Rita Mountains and have seen a different image every time I opened my curtains. My eyes have seen this timeless face change into a unique image every second of everyday for the past seven years. Through that time I have seen those mountains a far and at close. Through that time I have seen changes upon those rock formations. The four seasons bring four changes as predicated earlier. Spring season brings the new sprouts, new leaves, new young in the animals and even what seems to be new fresh start to a year. Summer brings the warmth, brings season to those of young who just arrived, and the rains of the monsoon come to prepare those for later. As those rains dissipate and the temperature begins to cool, the mountains change again. The leaves of youth fade color and start to show their age. Yellow, gold, brown and red cover the canopies and ground like a brilliant picture. The now...

I am here typing at 6 o'clock in the morning, a little unsure why I am. What I do know is that I haven't been able to fall asleep since 5. So many items have been flying through me head the last several days and I believe that those items are to be blamed for the insomnia. These items have been mainly about my past, the errors I have made and how often I have brought myself just to knock myself down. I am noticing that must of my errors that I have made are that of my own. My very worse critic has been myself. My ultimate cause for destruction has been done by me. I have not been able to give myself a good appraisal and devalued myself so much that in my mind I have not been worth much. This inappropriate value has caused myself so many unneeded issues, problems and self inflected wounds. To be honest I am not sure why this has happened, nor unsure of what has made me this way. The one thing that I have noticed is that people give me a higher value then that I ...

5 years ago I decided to leave a really good job that I enjoyed and had fun at to go to another. I went to this other job so I could go to U of A and work on my Chemical Engineering degree. This job allowed me to go to school during the day and still work full time. I really had no idea what I was going into, just the idea that it was like a past job. I was truly excited for this job simply because it looked like my future was looking like it was getting better. When I first started I was a young and naive and thought I truly knew a lot. When I first started at this job I thought of it as just a temporary job and figured once I got my degree I would be set. Here I am 5 years later, I am still working at the casino in the surveillance department and reflecting back at those several days I have spent there. How many lessons I have learned professional. How many heart breaks I have had to go through because of that job. How many nights I have stayed awaken because of the many i...

So I have always believed that my life was going to be set up a certain way. I knew some aspects would not be what the original plan told of, but I figured the core of the future would be the same. I thought maybe I would become a scientist or be engaged in a mentally challenging job, but that plan has changed. I knew that was going to occur. I believed that this would not be true for the core, but I have learned that the core of the future can change just as quick as the other parts. I thought that my core of my future would be a house, wife, kids, a good job, and easy day to day. This image is seen in a lot of my friends lives, plus or minus some changes, and that always made me feel like I was falling behind. I always thought that one day I would succeed at obtaining that core dream, except I think I was never meant to receive that dream. One thing that I am fairly certain about is that I am supposed to be in a public service job, one in which I c...

The year 2011. Began with so much hope, struck by tragedy in the early part and became quite through the remainder. As stated in the first part 2011 was to be a year full of promise. A year in which I thought a large amount of change would occur in my life, on a good note. Several months later I would find that not to be entirely true. I had just graduated from college a few days before the start of this year and was full of hope and eager to move forward. I had great friends to help through some of the challenges that I know I would endure. I was ready for this year probably more than any other year before, oh how wrong I was, and how this would be shown with eight days in the year and several times later. January 8th, the first test in my faith of the year. Not many people through out the world well remember the 8th of January, 2011, but I can almost guarantee that the people of Tucson well remember it. Several people, some of which my family knew, were shot brutally shot by a perso...

For the past several months I have been going through a circle that has given me fun and pleasure but also gives the same amount in pain. In other word 50 pleasure and happiness, 50 pain. So I decided, probably a billion times now, that I need to remove my self from this vicious equation. The only problem is that I think I am out of it, and then I am right back in it. How do I stop myself from this, the only way I know. Make myself so busy that it just happens. So with that said I am starting operation busy in which I am going to reflect on all the free time I have allocate it so I am mainly buys except when I am playing games. (Everyone should know playing games is a good way to remove oneself from the world) The other "free time" is going into preparation for the future. In other other words, studying, working out, hiking, reading, and utmost self education. Also I believe one of the few time I felt really good about things was when I was always writing and reflecting on t...

October has come and pasted. If you have been reading my blogs I have been going through a rough past couple months, October being the utmost difficult. I have had to give away several things, I have had to lose things through force, and I have had to lay down and get run over. When this was all happening I thinking "what have I done to deserve this." The fact is I am not the most innocent person, and my ill moral options may have caught me which I don't thing is the fact here, but rather I think this list of events is to teach me my errors and produce the next level of myself. I am becoming more understood that I need to learn who I am, I need to learn how to become this way, I need to trust myself and be confident. This is not clear as of right now, but I know that is part of the lesson I must find it myself. This world we live in one of the most complex and amazing things ever. It is a constant change no matter how our eyes look at it. The fact is things have to chang...