One Day to Another

Ahhh, I do enjoy the day where I get to go to my local Starbucks and get my tasty coffee beverage. Once I have acquired said beverage I read a book and listen to my music as a watch people going in and out of the coffee franchise. Usually want transpires during these relaxing time period is thoughts. Thoughts of the book I am reading thoughts of recent events, thoughts of future events and random thoughts. So a lot of thoughts as one can tell. One thought was about what is going to happen tomorrow. I make another huge step in doing what I want to do. Help people, go out and get bad guys and up most protect. It is one thing I have seen myself do on so many occasions and one thing that I think I will always see myself do. While I was thinking that I was currently listening to the Last Samurai sound track and thinking about how I am the modern day version of them. As a kid, and now, I saw a Samurai as one of the greatest things. They pushed themselves everyday and worked extremely har...

So here recently I have been living in a very quite big house and going about my daily thing IE work. During my time at home it has been a little rough because it is so lonely here. During those moments I have been provoking thoughts of relationships. Thoughts of, what does a relationship do for people, why mine failed, and why others succeed. The other thing I have noticed is that I am still extremely scared of being hurt. The fear of letting anyone close more then just a night scares me so much. The fact that letting someone in and by accident I hurt them scares me so much. The other part is that something happens to me and I am no longer there to complete the relationship leaving the other hurt and placed in the unknown dark. The last 20 plus weeks have been challenges to push me forward and fight through many types of fears. To show me I have the drive and will to fight as hard as I humanly can in order to survive. Yet falling in love or even trying to because I don't want ...

This past week was one of the worst weeks that I have had. Really don't want to get into why, but just really bad. To make matters worst I, yet again, allowed myself to be defeated by my worst enemy, myself.  I really do not know where I have learned to push myself down, or the reason of why this happens, but it is completely an item of destruction. Something that will take me out of any light or goal that I am trying to succeed at. Due to this self realization I have decided to call this self destruction as self-ungratification. The reason for this is that when people accomplish a goal, or get good at something they accomplish a degree of self-gratification. In this case it is the opposite, one should feel ungrantified and unaccomplished so self-ungratification. I actually feel pretty gratified about thinking about the word self-ungratification. I am almost more then certain this word has been discovered but as far as this writing is concerned it is all mine. An...

Movie: The last word Tonight I was watching a movie called the "The Last Word". Right from the start I saw the morbid plot, but for some reason I see the in depth part that the plot eludes. The main character in the movie is a writer but not the conventional writer but one who writes the suicide notes for others who are going to kill themselves. I think the majority of people would see this person as soulless, which is actually stated in the movie, but I saw it as something very different. I saw the person who has had to go through and listen to those stories of those people who kill themselves. I can't say I know exactly what a person is thinking when they see death as the only way out, or if the reasons why they are killing themselves are a good reason. The only thing that I am pretty sure about is the people around suffer a great amount of pain, that those who have left can not do anything to ease.. The movie displays this so well when the main man...

Here lately my posts have been about continuing and feeling down because of the challenges I am going through right now. Most of these challenges can be attributed to my own doing. At times it feels like I am falling to the ground its sometimes very hard to get up from the ground. The only thing I should feel that way. I should have the confidence to push myself up and move forward again knowing that it is a task that should be easy to me. This came into light even more as I listed to NPR program called "Snap Judgement". The program has several people telling their poems and short stories and one of those short stories was simply inspirational and just shows that some people who may appear to be weak are some of the strongest people around and a lot of us can learn from them. The short story is called "Falling" and I linked the reading from snap judgement here. This person has been able to get over so many obstacles that so many of us may have no...

For the last 13 weeks I have been engaged in the training of my career. This time period has been by far some of the most challenging days just simply for the fact that I have had to push myself to keep going and there has only been me to push. I really have never given it a thought on how hard some challenges can be with out someone to come to, to talk to or simply someone to see after a hard day of work / training. I never had an idea of how much my family actually played a role in my past successes. Back then when I came home I could always count on seeing my dad or talking to my mom and my problems would magically disappear. Now when I come home I have to find some way cheer myself up or I have to simply move on even though that is not the optimal method. The other thing I have noticed is that coming home doesn't mean just coming home to people but something more in depth. What I mean by "more in depth" is something with more meaning. Like I said early c...

So I was watching How I Met Your Mother today and there is one episode that they talk about 3 years from now. The concept was actually pretty interesting and saw myself thinking about 3 years ago. The first thing I could think about was that I was finishing my second to last semester of college. That was the only thing that I could instantly think about 3 years ago. As far as what I believed would happen 3 years from there, I would think I would believe that I would have a girlfriend and in a long time relationship and hopefully starting my career. Well here I am at 3 years and I am not in a relationship at all, I did graduate from college and I have a house. The thing that I did hope for is my career and I am going through those steps. This challenge has been very hard and I am only 5 weeks in and have 3/4 to go but I know I can do it. As for relationships I have been on and off so many time about relationship I am starting to think that I could be partially by polar. I guess if...