Skip to main content

2 years done for a few months

So I had been fully uncommitted to relationships for about two years beginning in 2012 until February of this year. Well February of this year I meet an amazing girl and at first I really did not see the things I liked, but then I started seeing it. Well at the end of May it all ended which for some reason hit me quite hard. When it all ended I felt like crap and yet still this day I am not sure what actually caused the dismiss but overall I still had a feeling it was my fault. For the first couple days I noticed that I put myself in a rut of pain and self loathing. I truly did not know what to do, but all I knew is that I wanted to was go back to the way I was before I allowed someone enough to hurt me like the old wounds I had received in the past.

I am here tonight, sipping on a red wine watching Sherlock Holmes after going to barish restaurant to see a really wonderful singer. As far as the the barish environment was quite nice and even more so when one gets to listen to a beautiful voice singing very soulful songs. During that time I did think about that girl on several occasions, but for once it wasn't fully painful. I thought about the good times and how yes I wished it would continue but how maybe I still need to items such as the one I interacted in.

Once I was done with the music I ventured home to my humble a very single bachelor pad kinda wishing I was doing something more but then again I am quite happy watching my T.V. show and may I mention with some wine. The fact is I am going to be on a path of rebuilding, but have learned a lot of relationships and me. I know I have items to be worked on and that is obvious since I had to distract myself to stay away from pain. I think that I am really going to push myself on new things and better myself even further.

Anyways, my rambles are done.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When view through a window looks bad look through another.

In yesterdays post I talked about the amount of stress that I am placing myself in and stretching myself so thin that I am actual feeling a real effect of it. I began to look at everything that I am doing and the hell that I am placing myself into which a very bad situation, one that could place my whole future in a hell. I am seeing that because I am trying to do so many things that I am actually being very shellfish and not doing the right thing. I have so much that is riding on me and yes I need to have fun, but I also need to remember there are other things that should be holding precedence over. Its time to get thing straight and see there is a definitive path in which I must follow to make sure my future at hand, the way it may happen won't be changed because of poor choices on my part. Its time to close one window, and begin to look out another to see a new view, picture, hope for the future.
Post a Comment
Read more

Orgin II

So, you fellow readers, if you actually read recent posts I have had heart ache. Yes that heart ache is probably considered nothing but to me it was something... anyways I regress. I have been trying to figure out what is wrong and what causes me to blow up into a firing ball of boooo. (As write this I am trying to make this a little funnier then how I felt the past several weeks). So my new mission now in which I do accept is to fix my short falls. I need to look at my past and see why certain relationships go wrong. I also know I need to fix certain aspects of me, mainly confidence. I am very confident in certain things such as work, knowledge and other items but with girls I fail harder then rock does at being a diamond. I don't think to much as wrong with me, but I do recognize that I go after certain things when I know the future result. That might be because I don't push my self for that next level, that level I deserve.  I also have to understand that the past is jus...
Post a Comment
Read more

So close to the new start

I have never been this close to attaining a goal of this magnitude. A goal that is a life time goal. A goal that is so big to me that as of today I am a whole week away from accomplishing. So many people have been asking how does it feel are you excited. The truth is I am scared as hell. I am scared of messing up and I just missed the goal. I am scared of my life changing completely because of the change that can come in accomplishing this goal. I am scared of being disappointed like have be soon many time before. Yet with all this fear I know it must be done. This is where my biggest fear resides. I have to look all these fears stair them in the eye and leap into a vast unknown. A blackness of which my hopes are not even seen. A place where my thoughts are lost and I struggle to hang on to them. This change is something I thought I would never be afraid, but because of the past I am still apprehensive to the idea. I am still apprehensive because what if the actions takes everything aw...
1 comment
Read more