One Day to Another

I think the questions of fears is often brought up in peoples minds. According to the first link of a web search,  common phobias , must deal with actual items such as bugs enclosed spaces or flying. I found the list exactly what I thought it would be. I see must people reacting because of situations that cause them to be near these items. The funny thing is I never had seen any of these as a fear. The one that could have been a fear is trypanophobia, the fear of being injected. The thing is I was always nervous, but hear recently that doesn't even bother me. So where am I going here. I was recently asked what my fears were. Out of the ten listed I think the other one is death. For me that is not so. My job places me at that edge every single day. I am truly not afraid of dying rather dying before doing what I am supposed to do. I remember one of things I have always been worried about is not being able to take care of those I care about because I am not there for them. I have ...

I have always seen myself as the "nice guy" the guy who well be there and help out no matter what. Here lately, probably longer then that I have seen myself as something else. I thought I was just being an asshole. The thing is, I have been told I was not. As I look back I guess I have not but I do see that I have had to hide certain things away. The problem with this is the fact that its hiding who I am. I know I am a good guy, I always have been and that's who I should continue. I began to show my true self to someone and was afraid I was going to be hurt, because that is what happens, well it did. The fact is I am happy that I am that way. That is who I am but anyways. I read a letter written to the girls who choose other guys over good guy and it hits right on the nail. Shows exactly what the good guy thinks. I think the whole thing is I am who I am I might as well continue that trend. Well here is the link:  An open letter to the girl who let the good guy go H...

A lot of people compare themselves to famous characters or people. I guess it's a way to show that there actions or ways they do things is, well justified. In my case I am often told I am like Leonard from "Big Bang Theory" or Ted from "How I Met Your Mother." In fact I am Uncle Ted thanks to my friends kids. As far as my self examination of why I get called Leonard is possible because I think way, way to much about things going on. I must say I can over examine like crazy, yet I don't do that at work. I also think it's because I am a nerd in both the intellect and gaming/comic thing. It could also be that I am extremely shy  when it comes to speaking to females. Now I can still talk to them but it can be very, ahhh, off I guess. Yet I am again opposite at work. I really need to figure out how to be like me at work during not work. Anyone have any ideas? (Chirp Chirp Chirp). Now as far as Ted, that's an easy one. That is just because I am a hopel...

So, you fellow readers, if you actually read recent posts I have had heart ache. Yes that heart ache is probably considered nothing but to me it was something... anyways I regress. I have been trying to figure out what is wrong and what causes me to blow up into a firing ball of boooo. (As write this I am trying to make this a little funnier then how I felt the past several weeks). So my new mission now in which I do accept is to fix my short falls. I need to look at my past and see why certain relationships go wrong. I also know I need to fix certain aspects of me, mainly confidence. I am very confident in certain things such as work, knowledge and other items but with girls I fail harder then rock does at being a diamond. I don't think to much as wrong with me, but I do recognize that I go after certain things when I know the future result. That might be because I don't push my self for that next level, that level I deserve.  I also have to understand that the past is jus...

As I the title states I am finally trying to climb up the hill. I rolled down pretty rough and pretty far even though it does not seem like it. I have to say I have been pretty impressed with myself on how I did not completely fall apart but I still fell. Well I think I am finally climbing the hill and once I am at the top I'll be good again. I think the main reason is I have to think of work when I am at work. Which kinda prevents my mind from going hay wire. Yesterday I was a little down after work because I just wanted to see someone and forget about the day, even though it was not that bad, and needed to relax. Once at home it was extremely quite and that did not help the situation. I made food sat down and turned on the T.V. to what ever stuff was on. As I sat there in my self loathing letting my mind go crazy and started going stir crazy. What was I going to do but sleep. The crappy thing the last 3 weeks have been a period of little sleep and waking up to thinking. Last ni...

So I had been fully uncommitted to relationships for about two years beginning in 2012 until February of this year. Well February of this year I meet an amazing girl and at first I really did not see the things I liked, but then I started seeing it. Well at the end of May it all ended which for some reason hit me quite hard. When it all ended I felt like crap and yet still this day I am not sure what actually caused the dismiss but overall I still had a feeling it was my fault. For the first couple days I noticed that I put myself in a rut of pain and self loathing. I truly did not know what to do, but all I knew is that I wanted to was go back to the way I was before I allowed someone enough to hurt me like the old wounds I had received in the past. I am here tonight, sipping on a red wine watching Sherlock Holmes after going to barish restaurant to see a really wonderful singer. As far as the the barish environment was quite nice and even more so when one gets to listen to a beauti...