SO I had a nervous break down and anxiety attack last night during a party, I was able to only have the attack in my mind but it tore me to shreds and caused me to just disappear from the party. I woke up this mourning with a feeling of failure, like everything I am doing right now is failed attempt. I finally got that thought out of my mind but a new feeling flooded in which was stress that I could not allow the previous feeling to become to true. I really can't describe the feeling besides a quote in Lord of the Rings were Bilbo Baggins says "I feel like butter being stretched across a piece of bread that is to big." This feeling is even effecting me in a physical way in which my body is sore and I am tired even though I slept enough. My mind is in so many places at once that I become exhausted just by seating around due the fact I cant think of 1 thing not even 2 things but so many things that I just feel like I am going crazy. Something is in need of desperate change if I am to succeed at my goals that I set in front of me but I am not sure how to fix this, and have no idea were to start. As I sit here I feel that feeling that I had yesterday, there is so much expectation that people have in you and when you know it can hurt you so much. Last night it was my friends telling me to go and talk to girls and have fun so I did that with other things on my mind that I don't want to divulge here right now. This mix of items on my mind knocked one domino over and it hasn't stopped its destruction yet.
So the last couple of days have been very interesting if not been some of the best days. Even they day I thought to have turned out bad really wasn't bad at all. Sometimes it takes a rain storm to clear the dirt covering your vision to open up your eyes to the truth that lies in front of you. It also might help to have people around you, show you things that you would usually over look. There is so much that each person has to them yet that individual might not even know who they are until they do something for them to notice it. Each person has been engineered to be some type of person because the majority says that is the way to be. This engineered view makes people believe that they are not the way they should be. I started to realize this when someone told me I need to have confidence in myself, I NEED to BELIEVE in myself, I am worth more then what a group of people say. This is true for every person, each of us has a quality that is unmatched by another. We have flaws that wh
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