One Day to Another

In yesterdays post I talked about the amount of stress that I am placing myself in and stretching myself so thin that I am actual feeling a real effect of it. I began to look at everything that I am doing and the hell that I am placing myself into which a very bad situation, one that could place my whole future in a hell. I am seeing that because I am trying to do so many things that I am actually being very shellfish and not doing the right thing. I have so much that is riding on me and yes I need to have fun, but I also need to remember there are other things that should be holding precedence over. Its time to get thing straight and see there is a definitive path in which I must follow to make sure my future at hand, the way it may happen won't be changed because of poor choices on my part. Its time to close one window, and begin to look out another to see a new view, picture, hope for the future.

SO I had a nervous break down and anxiety attack last night during a party, I was able to only have the attack in my mind but it tore me to shreds and caused me to just disappear from the party. I woke up this mourning with a feeling of failure, like everything I am doing right now is failed attempt. I finally got that thought out of my mind but a new feeling flooded in which was stress that I could not allow the previous feeling to become to true. I really can't describe the feeling besides a quote in Lord of the Rings were Bilbo Baggins says "I feel like butter being stretched across a piece of bread that is to big." This feeling is even effecting me in a physical way in which my body is sore and I am tired even though I slept enough. My mind is in so many places at once that I become exhausted just by seating around due the fact I cant think of 1 thing not even 2 things but so many things that I just feel like I am going crazy. Something is in need of desperate change...

So everyone on any day hopes, or predicts the day is going to be a certain way. A hope that our life will go a certain and laid down path. The only problem this prediction goes haywire most if not all the time. The most of the time is directed towards me. An example of this yesterday were I began to think that "today is going to be a great day", in fact I placed it on facebook because of the degree I knew it was going to happen. Will through half of my shift of work that prediction was so beyond wrong that I even said to myself I can't predict things at all. So now on to the point about self predictions and how often we do it and hope for it to happen. I know one of the biggest prediction times is the four years of high school were most people hope for the most fruitful future, or the most predictable quote "Ohh we are going to be together for so long." This longing that the future is going to be the amazing picture of a person and his or hers chosen path of th...

So I am on week 4 or 5 I cannot really tell do to the fact I think time has been going warp speed there for making small increments of time such as weeks unimportant. The first few glimpses of school went very will until it hay wire and papers were do in every class a long with a large amount of writing. The last couple of days (okay fine so days and week as time increments are important) have placed my self in state of stress and nervousness. A feeling that I would think that I am use to, but not at all due to the fact I think I have been in it before... WRONG. This feeling is even worse because so much is standing on getting the papers done, writing good discussions, reading all the papers. If I do good these things well get my ultimate goal of graduating. So the stress is even worse and in fact it has become painful to keep up with the stress levels. Other problem is that my stress relief of working out cannot be done anymore so I do not have the relief anymore. The one good thing f...

So the last couple of days have been very interesting if not been some of the best days. Even they day I thought to have turned out bad really wasn't bad at all. Sometimes it takes a rain storm to clear the dirt covering your vision to open up your eyes to the truth that lies in front of you. It also might help to have people around you, show you things that you would usually over look. There is so much that each person has to them yet that individual might not even know who they are until they do something for them to notice it. Each person has been engineered to be some type of person because the majority says that is the way to be. This engineered view makes people believe that they are not the way they should be. I started to realize this when someone told me I need to have confidence in myself, I NEED to BELIEVE in myself, I am worth more then what a group of people say. This is true for every person, each of us has a quality that is unmatched by another. We have flaws that wh...