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Falling into the depths again.

How about this another dark and depressing entry in the blog. You would think that I would try to write something, well more lively, upbeat, and well I guess with light. The only problem is that it seems that I am always looking for the dark. It seems that I search for the bad. Even though I know there is going to be an unmentionable pain, I still think I should go for it. Even though I know what is going to happen in both a professional manner and personal experience forbade it, I still move through with it. I have no idea why this happiness, but it seems that I forget how to stop it or to walk away from it.

Yet again maybe falling into these errors is what I need to do. I learn from ever mistake, it helps me move forward and help me understand what is going on it my life and what I need to truly do. I know that a lot of the mistakes and dark times that I fallen into are my fault, and I need to learn how to evade those situations or at least fix them. The statement that comes up in my mind the most is we fall to learn not to fall. It makes me think that statements means we only fall once, I like to disagree with that. As a toddler learning to walk, a toddler falls to the ground on multiply occasions. Well, I believe that as I fall through the hole that leads to the dark depths, that eventually, I will learn to grab onto the side and pull myself. That eventually I will see the black depth before I fall in, and learn to take another path. Yes, today is going to be a harsh day, and yes the next couple weeks well hurt. The one thing going for me is I am very strong willed and well not give up.

I guess I need to learn who I am more then ever now. I need to actual do me and not what everyone else. I think I need to figure out what I want and not what I believe I want. I have lived life in several different methods. I know for a fact I am not a huge party animal, I am not a drinker nor well I, I am not a player nor well I ever be. Yes, I have a plan in life and I intend to live that life. The best thing that I should do is that I need to be on my own more often. I am not going to completely disappear, but when I go out its just for friends, not for drinking, not to find a one night, not to find one, just a night out with the friends that I do every once in a while. Its time to understand all my options and truly understand what happens when I take option A or option B... so on.

It's time to rule by me and no other.

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