So i decided to go for a walk today on my day off, knowing that I needed to get back in to the root of who I am. This is something that I have been failing to do for sometime now and it has hit me that I think that is the cause to some of my issues of late. I really, really need to figure myself out. The though part of this is starting at the very beginning again. So this walk was going to let me figure out my plan of attack.
Usually how I start this process is much like writing for me, find something or think something and go nuts...
Right now I feel stuck again repeating the process of what am I doing. The only thing that came to mind immediately was the fountain on the east side of the road. You can hear the roar of the captured water streaming down the wall feeling freedom for such a brief moment, only to hit the rough ending conclusion of pool of calm tranquilly water. That pool of water slowly circling around the grey walls with nothing to look forward other then to be engaged by a pump, and rushed back to the top again. Once at the top a new hope gathers, a hope to be one of the few drops to escape. A drop to feel a whole new path and end the consistent rotation of the grueling water fountain.
That metaphor is almost the same feeling that I have been feeling for years. I get a new feeling at the the top full of hope that that this is gong to be something new. As I fall through the journey I am excited roaring away then the fall or journey is near the end I see the rotation again seeing that nothing has really changed. I am just going to sit in that pool tell something grabs me brings me to the top and a new journey evolves. All I can hope is all be one of the drops pocked up for a whole new adventure whether it be over the pool edge or having my whole path eluded because of an outside source. Right now I am done with the regular rotation and fully ready for maybe a vast pool instead that east side water fountain.
Now a new issue arose, how did I get stuck in this movement. Did I open the wrong door, take the wrong path on the fork or just do the wrong thing at the wrong time? I had a feeling it was probably a mixture of all three. Fantastic, how was I going to find the right combination to this? How was I going to really explain this whole issue, well to myself?
That last question is the first part to the answer, I think. I continued my walk with a blank mind and no idea. The only problem at this point was keeping my mind open. That is a hard thing to do when your mind is already looking at the many reasons why. So I continued walking and looking and wondering until I saw a simple piece of artwork.
This artwork was at a vendor in which there several pieces with different colors and some parts changed but overall same look. The basic form was a small piece of wood with door knob and lock to it. Right below the lock was a simple two handed clock. Such a simple piece why did it grab me so much? Why did it have meaning right away?
I looked back into my past explanation and maybe it was just that. I have been opening the wrongs doors at the wrong time. I have to keep opening the doors and hope for the the best time to do so. The other way is to figure out when the right door needs to be opened by reading the environment and understanding what and when. Now that is the only issue how the hell am I going to figure that out?
I guess that is something I am going to have to figure out soon...
Usually how I start this process is much like writing for me, find something or think something and go nuts...
Right now I feel stuck again repeating the process of what am I doing. The only thing that came to mind immediately was the fountain on the east side of the road. You can hear the roar of the captured water streaming down the wall feeling freedom for such a brief moment, only to hit the rough ending conclusion of pool of calm tranquilly water. That pool of water slowly circling around the grey walls with nothing to look forward other then to be engaged by a pump, and rushed back to the top again. Once at the top a new hope gathers, a hope to be one of the few drops to escape. A drop to feel a whole new path and end the consistent rotation of the grueling water fountain.
That metaphor is almost the same feeling that I have been feeling for years. I get a new feeling at the the top full of hope that that this is gong to be something new. As I fall through the journey I am excited roaring away then the fall or journey is near the end I see the rotation again seeing that nothing has really changed. I am just going to sit in that pool tell something grabs me brings me to the top and a new journey evolves. All I can hope is all be one of the drops pocked up for a whole new adventure whether it be over the pool edge or having my whole path eluded because of an outside source. Right now I am done with the regular rotation and fully ready for maybe a vast pool instead that east side water fountain.
Now a new issue arose, how did I get stuck in this movement. Did I open the wrong door, take the wrong path on the fork or just do the wrong thing at the wrong time? I had a feeling it was probably a mixture of all three. Fantastic, how was I going to find the right combination to this? How was I going to really explain this whole issue, well to myself?
That last question is the first part to the answer, I think. I continued my walk with a blank mind and no idea. The only problem at this point was keeping my mind open. That is a hard thing to do when your mind is already looking at the many reasons why. So I continued walking and looking and wondering until I saw a simple piece of artwork.
This artwork was at a vendor in which there several pieces with different colors and some parts changed but overall same look. The basic form was a small piece of wood with door knob and lock to it. Right below the lock was a simple two handed clock. Such a simple piece why did it grab me so much? Why did it have meaning right away?
I looked back into my past explanation and maybe it was just that. I have been opening the wrongs doors at the wrong time. I have to keep opening the doors and hope for the the best time to do so. The other way is to figure out when the right door needs to be opened by reading the environment and understanding what and when. Now that is the only issue how the hell am I going to figure that out?
I guess that is something I am going to have to figure out soon...
"Hide nothing, for time, which sees all and hears all, exposes all."
~ Sophocles
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