One of my new years resolutions is to find myself. I am a person in reality, whatever I think reality is, but I want to find the true parts of me instead of what the culture around me wants me to be. I guess that can be a little confusing so what I want to find out is the true me, not the me that is defined by others. So in order to do this I have begun thinking about things I like to do. Once this list is created I want to try everything on that list and see what happens. Actually enjoy everyday instead of dreading a day. The past five years have been a struggle of me and conforming to others. I believe its time to let me win this time. I believe it is time to "do me". I have earned it in my opinion. I have graduated from a university, I have completed many years of work, I have survived hardship of the emotional types. It is time for me to let all of this stress go and it is time to move forward and relax. I think the next couple of weeks are going to be simply put amazing.
I have never been this close to attaining a goal of this magnitude. A goal that is a life time goal. A goal that is so big to me that as of today I am a whole week away from accomplishing. So many people have been asking how does it feel are you excited. The truth is I am scared as hell. I am scared of messing up and I just missed the goal. I am scared of my life changing completely because of the change that can come in accomplishing this goal. I am scared of being disappointed like have be soon many time before. Yet with all this fear I know it must be done. This is where my biggest fear resides. I have to look all these fears stair them in the eye and leap into a vast unknown. A blackness of which my hopes are not even seen. A place where my thoughts are lost and I struggle to hang on to them. This change is something I thought I would never be afraid, but because of the past I am still apprehensive to the idea. I am still apprehensive because what if the actions takes everything aw...
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