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When the rut has circled around too many times.

I am slowly finding that the changes that I have been striving for have not come. The changes that do occur do not affect the situation as I hoped they would. The last couple of months have been some of the most stressful days I have ever had to endure, yet the only big change to come is that I should be graduating in December. That one change well be the highlight of the last two years, besides a huge life goal. The only problem is, it seems that besides the stress that I have to go through to make sure this accomplished, I feel that this goal is overlooked by the daily stuff I have to go through.
These pains and aches slowly diminishing me and not allowing my scares to scab over. How can one fully move on when the environment they are in does not allow those scares to heal? How can one one truly look forward when their view is constantly blocked by those who cause the pain? How can one listen to embraceable words when the meaning of them is altered the minute the pain causer arrives? I know I am moving forward, it just feels like those step forward are small bug crawls not even baby steps.
The vision I have for myself is some what clear but still blurred by the scares on my heart, my mind, and my present vision trying to look into that window. At times I think just getting up and leaving is the greatest thing I could do for myself, but is it? If leaving is not the answer, then what is? How can change and form into the vision in my heart and mind. How can I not worry about falling for someone, or being destroyed? How can I just overcome these problems. I know problems exist and that all of us going through them, but how can I support myself on the hard ones like I support others. How do I stand up for myself the same way I stand for others?
I guess these are the questions that I shouldn't worry about till December 18th when I have time to think about them, then again I have never been the person who does that. I guess for now take day by day, stand up with my head up high, and run throw the walls of pain as hard as I can.

"The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you."

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