Wow so I have written anything on here for a long time, and a long time meaning a month. So what has happened, well lets see school has gone crazy, I got a semi promotion, and a gentle reminder of why being single is the best thing to do. So lets hit on these three issues. First of all school. School has become very crazy due to papers and classes. I filled out my graduation application and I felt so good when I was done like I am almost done with something that I tried so hard to finish. This goal has had so so so many obstacles that have almost made me fall over. The funny thing is the third topic keeps adding obstacles to my first topic which in turn really drives me crazy. I think I need to stop certain things such as going to parties and staying up to hours to go against topic 3. I need to accomplish school, that's the only thing that may keep me going, something I need. The second thing is the promotion at work, which really did not feel like anything special but it does look good on a resume, a resume which I have to start making and hopefully show some good that I could do. The third thing is that I am truly finding out that all I fall into is lust and not love. Love is something I strive for,but I don't think I will find now. As for lust I am becoming very very tired of it. It doesn't feel good anymore but instead feels like a never ending circle of hope that I know is non existent. All that comes from it is pain, frustration, jealousy, aggravation, hopelessness, and meaningless for the time spent. Will I guess I should be thankful that I have realized this instead falling victim to the false love that I create in my head which in end hurts me even more. I find it fairly ironic that I started this blog to cope with the love I lost, or the fake love I lost but instead I am finding the many blindfolds that are minds create in order to make ourselves feel better or move further. Instead I have found it is better to see life in full view, with open eyes. It may be painful but being hurt by a fake reality is even worse.
In yesterdays post I talked about the amount of stress that I am placing myself in and stretching myself so thin that I am actual feeling a real effect of it. I began to look at everything that I am doing and the hell that I am placing myself into which a very bad situation, one that could place my whole future in a hell. I am seeing that because I am trying to do so many things that I am actually being very shellfish and not doing the right thing. I have so much that is riding on me and yes I need to have fun, but I also need to remember there are other things that should be holding precedence over. Its time to get thing straight and see there is a definitive path in which I must follow to make sure my future at hand, the way it may happen won't be changed because of poor choices on my part. Its time to close one window, and begin to look out another to see a new view, picture, hope for the future.
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